April Fools - Dogs on Ice Racing

British greyhound racing has been combined with the Dancing on Ice TV show to create the new sport of "Dogs on Ice". Animal rights activists are up in arms as they should be as the hapless pooches tend to slide around a bit crashing into the guard rails.

According to the Dogs on Ice sponsors, however, this is being corrected by fitting the greyhounds with special traction shoes. The first Dogs on Ice event will be at Wembley Arena with the usual betting spreads applying.

Of course, it will be hard to know which greyhounds take to this format at first so the betting lines could be a bit skewed. The 36 dogs in contention will be whittled down to six with the rest competing in the even newer event being called "Dogs over Hot Coals".

Of course, stay tuned also for the new British reality TV show, "Rodeo on Ice" airing later this year.

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April Fools - Teachers Head Explodes Because of Wifi

A 42-year-old sociology teacher named Geoffrey Crumb had his head explode in class one day apparently from Wifi signals that were given out by his pupils texting. According to one of the students the explosion was like "a dog in a microwave".

Mr. Crumb was apparently the victim of new age cyber bullying. According to The Register, "Having been repeatedly subjected to ritual 'double-blind' tests by a 'gang' of physics and technology teachers in the staff room, who would laugh at him and snap towels when he failed to state correctly whether or not a given piece of equipment was switched on or off, Crumb was thought to have been easy prey when unscrupulous media technofear hypesters came knocking."

More dreaded than the movie Scanners, yet short of a Columbine style massacre, the Wifi head explosion suggests an unnatural empowerment of students over faculty. With the combined force of cell phones and texting no one is now safe. Teachers will now be eyeballing their students more closely.

Opposing sports teams will have to look over their shoulders at the crowd and wonder if they are next. Squirrels will flee in terror at the sight of groups of texting students roaming around campus. Oh, the humanity!

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April Fools - Hyper Games Formed for Steroid-Taking Athletes

According to the esteemed magazine, Scientific American there is a new Olympic-type sports venue forming called the Hyper Games that encourages steroid-taking athletes to compete against one another. The steroid use actually evens the playing field as it is known the everyone on the field is using performance enhancing substances.

According to SA, "The Hyper Games are for any spectator who has looked at sprinters and wondered whether they could go faster if their leg muscles contained cheetah DNA. Or speculated about how many tons a determined weight lifter could vertically press before his spine snapped. Or thought that Barry Bonds might show some potential as a hitter if he would just put on some muscle."

Born without lower legs and only have springy skis for feet? No problem as the Hyper Games won't outlaw you as a genetic mutant. Instead, they will reward you with gold metals and cheers from adoring fans.

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